


It wasn't supposed to be you

by Thaum



Series: Of elves and dwarves [4]
Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Feelings, Final Battle, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 00:57:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14367468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thaum/pseuds/Thaum
Summary: Gimli got the chance to die side by side with a friend. He didn't plan to fail so miserably.





	It wasn't supposed to be you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katajainen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katajainen/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [katajainen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katajainen/pseuds/katajainen) in the [2000GigolasFics](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/2000GigolasFics) collection. 



> _Prompt: The unfix-it. Either Legolas or Gimli does NOT survive the War of the Ring. Extra love if any feelings deeper than friendship went unconfessed. I dare you to make me cry big fat tears with this._  
>  English isn't my first language. Be nice.

_No._

He was in a state of shock and this was everything, he was able to think, everything that was left to mean anything. This wasn't true. _No._ It couldn't. He didn't feel the cut at his side, where an orc had buried his blade in an unfortunate moment. He didn't feel Aragorns grip at his shoulder. He didn't understand any of Gandalfs words. All he felt was a hole in the chest from where life seemed to drain off him. All he heard was someone screaming. He felt strangely detached, as if he would be watching a scene from a distance. But that had to be wrong, because he stood in the middle of it. The irony of all was, that the only thing, he really felt, was something, that he actually shouldn't feel: the painful hole wasn't in his own chest. He noticed, that it was himself, who was screaming; the same word, over and over again.

"NO!"

Gimli dropped to his knees beside the elf, who was his friend. With trembling hands he touched his face, wiped the blood away, looked into cold and lifeless eyes. The same blue eyes, that had laughed at him countless times, warm and full of mirth.

_Never again._

He remembered the last smile, Legolas had given him. A promise, that he wasn't alone. And it had been alright. It would have been alright. Only it wasn't anymore. The elf had managed to let himself get killed. Worse, Gimli himself had managed to survive this complete mess. This was wrong. It shouldn't be him. It had to be wrong. Legolas, his friend, the only ray of light in this blasted suicide mission. He never thought it would be necessary to look after him. It must had taken a lot to bring him down. He hadn't seen it. If he had, he would have died, trying to save him, no matter what. This was ridiculous. Where was the point in surviving everything together, only for him to die in the very last moments before the end?

"Dying wasn't really the plan, you know? It was a joke. I made a joke. A big fat joke. GODS, THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE!"

Gimli slammed his fist into the ground with full force. A sharp sting throbbed through his arm. He embraced the physical pain, somehow it felt good, more real than anything else. If there would have been any orcs left, he would have gone to murder as much as he could with his bare hands. In his current state he suspected, he could have gone through quite a few before anyone would be able to stop him, finally. And it had to be _finally_ in the most literal meaning of the word. Nothing else could possibly be enough at the very moment. He stared at the horrible sight next to him and was overhelmed by feelings of denial, disbelief and despair which alternated frequently and made him feel sick like he'd never felt in his life before. For a few seconds he was sure, he would vomit, but he fought it down and forced himself to look closely. He wished, he could pretend, that Legolas would just be sleeping. But that really wasn't possible. He touched his shoulder and shook him slightly. 

"You cannot just run away.. you promised me the Greenwood, do you remember? I will not go there without you.. or maybe I should, shall I? Do you hear me, coward? Yes, I will go visiting your father, bringing you home. Can you imagine that outcome? Do you want to take the blame? Go on, stop me if you can!" Gimli rocked back and forth on his knees, his voice strangled.

"And you still have to tell me your score, you see, you cannot run, no chance. So tell me, how much this time?" The elf in front of him stayed silent. He picked a few blades of grass away from the tip of his ear as if he hoped, that it would increase the chance, that his words would be heard.

"You know what..", the dwarf eventually went on, "You had always more. I cheated. I just couldn't let an elf get the better out of me.. you would have ragged me forever.." he choked at his words as the full meaning of the word _"forever"_ hit him. A forever that had been eternity and now was no more. "You don't know, how much it would mean to me, if I could hear your voice right now. Go on, rag me, insult me, tell me of your elven superiority", he whispered and stroke gently over the unmoving lips of the elf in front of him. "You have such a beautiful voice. I didn't tell anyone, but sometimes it had been the only thing, that could make me forget the horrors we've been through. The only thing, that could make me sleep after all of it. It chased my nightmares away. You chased them away.." Gimli felt his heart clench and sobbed helplessly. This wasn't fair.

"You made a mistake, elf! Even if I said, I would die side by side with you, I didn't mean to include you. IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME?" Gimli cried now openly. "It was me, not you. And now get up and let's try again. Please.. I do whatever you want me to do. I will eat leaves for the rest of my life, please.."

Tears were now flowing down his cheeks while he went on, caressing Legolas' face. "Don't leave me alone, I beg you.. you stupid elf.. it wasn't supposed to be you.." Gimli whimpered again and again before he fell silent, buried his head in Legolas' stained tunic and cried his heart out. Silent sobs wrecked his body violently for a long time, until he ran out of tears and he felt numb and utterly exhausted. But even when he couldn't cry anymore, he could not leave. He remained there, inmidst of all the blood, dirt and bodies, lying at the chest of his friend, who had left him behind. He didn't feel all the hands that tried to drag him away from the battlefield. He didn't hear the people around him telling him, he had to let go. He didn't care for any of it. As far as he was concered, Sauron could have won the war. All he cared for was the only hand that mattered, clutched in his own, so smooth and so very cold. And all he felt and heard was the pointless beating of his own heart.

Or rather half of it.


End file.
